Reverie: Holidays 2016

 It's been wonderful. I got an iPad mini two and a beautiful silver chain. But the most best gift was that I got to see my baby sister. I'm doing a lot better now than when I started on my break because I left for my break in a really bad state of mind. It took a lot not to let my old character defects get the best of me. Thank God for his will not to let Amanda's will come out and mess things up. Even though it was very wrong how I was treated by my case manager. God will work things out for me, I know what she did was wrong and God knows too. So I let it be.

I've been spending lots of time with my cousin, and she was sure a great help today with my little sister. We went to Burger King, to the play place.

You know watching Ireland play brought tears to my eyes ....I miss her and have missed so much of her life and she still loves me.

I don't ever want to lose that.

Reverie: 121816

Back from my weekend pass to my mom's. It wasn't that good, but it wasn't bad either.

I'm so excited for Christmas...I don't think I've been this excited for Christmas in years, literally.

Last week I got two new piercings, well, I got my nose redone and then my labret,
the nose is healing wonderfully, the labret however is being stubborn.

I got really good news this weekend, I found out that my 2 year old little sister is going to be allowed to spend a night with me during my christmas break. I can't even believe it! I miss her so much. What a wonderfull gift recovery has brought me. It's been a year since I seen her.

So a good friend of mine has joined me here at Wellspring! So proud of her.
I'm not sure what to really say right now, I'm kind of tired to be honest, and I think I've caught a cold.

Next weekend me and my cousin are going to go take pictures with Santa for my Grandma. We are going to wear matching outfits. It should look interesting considering I'm 25 and she's 8.

I  don't know if I mentioned this yet but I got some fish last week, their names are Splish & Splash.
They are doing really well and I think they are happy to be being cared for by a bunch of girls.

I'm also now on step 8 of my spirtual journey guide and step 3 of the big book.

Me and Devin are doing better, we had a bit of a rough spot the past week but like usual we work through it.

Reverie: 121616

My patience paid off, because like I assumed, he called back.

Moving on, I am so grateful that one of the amazing staff here in my recovery program was so kind as to lend me a keyboard, so now my blogging is going to be 100x easier.

I am super excited to get back into the habit of writing daily..

My case manager told me today that it would be okay if I blogged instead of journal. Thank God because writing with a pen just isn't the same for me as it is when I get in front of the computer screen and get a keyboard beneath my finger tips.

So I am getting ready to be going on a weekend pass to my moms.

Serena is going to be spending the night and then tomorrow I get to see my baby niece Amadora! I cannot wait. 

So many things are coming together for me.

Praise God

Reverie: Reversed #habits #choices

I found out tonight how much progress I have actually made.

The old me would have left tonight. I almost did, but I remember how I would take off and want to die because you were never calling back, and I'd do all sorts of self destructive things & then you'd call...and then guilt would kick in...and I should have known you were just mad but I didn't.

Well here's to putting old habits to rest because tonight I'm making an effort to just know that your just mad and you'll call back.

Let go and let God #letitgo #God

I've made it through another day without using and I'm not sure if I'm truly happy about it but it is what it is and what it needs to be. So he gets out in under a month and a half and I'm scared... I don't know how things will work out or not. I love him so much but something always comes in the way of everything we try. I know it's made us stronger but it's also made us strangers. I'm so close to having my dreams come true Maybe I should just stop trying to control fate....maybe I should just worry about breathing and let God handle the rest.

Post amongst the chaos #drugfree

Or lack there of

...for the 1st time I'm changing my life and fighting my demons without the help of my old friend, meth.

The thing is I miss it often, just about as much as I miss other unhealthy relationship I've had. For some reason, no matter how negative meth or those relationships were, they give meaning to the word nostalgia.

And even though I'm no longer physically an addict, I still suffer from the thinking patterns of an addict.

My mind constantly sees all sorts of crime of opportunity scenarios.

The only thing now is I don't act on them. I just let the thought pass, like a cloud in the sky.

I know it's been ages since I actually took the time to write in my blog, I probably should get into the habit of starting again because I'm a really good writer and maybe I can help someone one day. Maybe I could be that guy who writes something that changes the course of someone's life.