Reverie; Nail in the Coffin

Here I am again, in this same redundant circle I always find myself in; This time there's a difference though, 'cause this time I'm a little more broken though & I'm trying so hard to keep my fight up, but this time I feel too weak to pull through it.

Everyday its the exact same story, the exact same purpose, the exact same fights & excuses; The exact same reason I fall further behind & further away from who & what I used to be.

Everyday I grow a little closer to my new life & a little further from my old one,

but hey, I heard change is good, right?

Honestly, I love my new little life I have acquired, I'm generally always happy, I don't have to fight with anyone, or answer to anyone....

but then the times I am alone, I miss the things I loved the most... my dog & my boyfriend.

So, the love I carry for them, brought me back.

&& it breaks me down; because even though I will ALWAYS love my boyfriend, I'm not the same person that I was when I loved him. I'm different; I'm ro6ugher & I learned how to "not care".

Sometimes I look at him, and I can taste the life we had, and I want to do good and try to fix it; but in the next breath, I'm on my way out the door back to my new life, leaving him there waiting..... until I wanna inhale a bit of what I used to know... and I do that everyday.

Why? because I am emotionally incapable of actually dealing with these feelings, this hurt & the only thing I am mentally capable of dealing with, is getting high.

Its just one thing, its simple; that's all I can handle, anything that's too "big" or "too much" will push me over the edge and its just not a very pretty scene.

Well, really, its hard to have a relationship with someone, when you have someone else on your mind & on top of that, flapp attacks.

Anyways, I'll write more later, my Gack Show is about to begin.