Reverie: Happiness all around

Well, even though its Monday. it feels like Sunday.

My weekend was wonderful, spent it with family and did some self care. Nails & Toes and my eyebrows waxed. I also bought myself a nice outfit to wear to my grad. Which is in 4 days, I can't wait.

My dad is coming.to my grad and I am so excited, I went to see him today and he looked so good and healthy, I am so proud of him.

So many things in my life are going well, and I'm just so grateful to have this safe place in which to heal myself.

I wonder why things happen how they do, I miss Devin every day, I guess I am mourning the friendship or security of our over the phone relationship.

I wonder what made him decide to just walk away from me,

and I wish I could have it in my heart to just do to him what he does to me,
but I could never imagine hurting a person or damaging them the way he does to me.

Then one day he'll try and walk back into my life, like nothing happened, and I always am just so happy to have him back that I allow him to think its ok to do that to me.

This time is different though, and that's why I am particularly more sad about it. This time I have boundaries and it is not ok, this time I will not let him back, this time I'm really letting him go, and it hurts so much because I know one day he'll contact me and I'm going to have to enforce that boundary. I cannot allow him  to intentionally put me in a position where my whole life is on hold waiting for him. I haven't been able to love myself or let anyone else get close to me because he might decide to make an appearance in my life again, and I lived for that.

I got into a relationship and was emotionally unavailable to that person because Devin said he loved me so I couldn't allow myself to be loved by someone else.

Cutting ties with Devin Bouchard is terribly depressing for me and not the way I ever saw this going, but enough is enough. I'm done competing for a spot in his chaotic, life that's filled with lies and broken  promises,

I Love him dearly, but that part of my life is officially finished,

No more Johnny and Ashley.

Just me, myself & I..... and God.

Amen