Premonition

I can't possibly use the right words to explain how much I love you, but I do. Those three words are most definitely said too much, but I couldn't mean it more when I say them to you. I wish this will never end.

Reverie: The Real Story.

So, pretty much, last year sucked, my baby brother died, I lost my apartment, then my girlfriend of two years, I almost OD'd on XTC, and then I found out I had to have major surgery. It couldn't have been worse. but through all that, I learned to make myself be happy anyways, to pretend that things aren't bothering me, when in all reality, they are. and I met a boy, and I didn't plan on it, but I fell in love with him. This year was supposed to be different, and it has been. He has made me happier then I've been in a long time. The thing is, he hates himself, and it hurts that he hates himself. but I pretend to be happy, happy when he leaves to get high, the only part I'm happy about is when he comes back, because then I get to hold him. 5 days ago he left, and he hasn't been back. He hasn't even called, I have had to call him. I've been walking around in what I call zombie mode, all because I don't know what this means. I know he loves me, I really believe he does. Its his feelings towards himself that worry me. I just don't know how to help him.