October 10, 2018

19 letters

19 letters,
They belong to your name,
& the pain in my soul.

Devin Ernest Bouchard,

You changed my life

& nobody has ever been able to love me, the way you loved me.

August 19, 2017

The end of Him, the beginning of.........?

Good job, you finally did it.
Regardless the reason, I will never let you in again.

Welcome to Fuckoffs-Ville, population: you, ya goof.

You couldn't tell the truth to save your life,
And I don't got time for that shit.

Finally my life is going back to normal,
Now that you and your supersize baggage are out of my life I feel like I am free.

Free of the bullshit, the stress and to find someone who has a life.


August 8, 2017

Epic 💓 break

All I wanted was to have you in my arms one more time....I craved it even.

Well I got what I wanted. 8 days of having the love I love the most.

I couldn't get over it. I thought I was dreaming.

I wasn't though.

And once again you told me, you were never leaving again. And I believed you.

Then you went to see your daughter,
And I lost you again.

I'm still trying to figure out if those 8 days were worth how I'm left feeling.

This place is ruined for me, it's full of memories of you now and they are everywhere.

I can't escape them.

I don't know why of all the people in the world you had to pick me.

I wish you never happened to me.

Inside I'm like so fucking broken,
But on the outside I'm trying to appear like I'm okay.

You know, this truly could be the beginning of the end of me.

Only time will tell.

July 14, 2017

(untitled) 071417

The moment I fell in love with you, I knew my world would never be the same, but I never imagined it would be like this. To be honest, most days are good, I'm happy, and then something little will happen, like walking by a blue dodge ram, that's when it hurts the most.

The way I miss you comes and fills my lungs instead of air, and every breath hurts. With every beat of my heart comes another memory of you, another picture in my head, another word you said, your laugh, your smile & the way you looked at me.
It's hard to get out of those moments because a part of me wants to stay there because it's all I have left of you.
I often wonder if I'll ever let go, or if a part of me will always be waiting.
You know it's funny to the world, your nothing special. Just your less than average uneducated middle aged man, but in my world your so much more.

Your everything to me.
I'm sure there is a perfectly good purpose for my having to go through this, but I want you to know, I forgive you and when you go again, I hope you find peace, unlike me, instead of being at peace I'm in pieces.
I've been missing you for longer then you've actually been gone. I want to move on, but my heart's got other plans.

On a positive note, I've been given inspiration to write again, so that's what I've been doing, taking the pain and letting it flow in my words. I can't bottle this up no more. Like I said in the beginning, most days are good, I'm happy, and I want to keep it that way.

I can only keep what I have by giving it away, by letting my tears flow, and by being honest about the fact that yeah I'm really fucking heart broken, but I'm the happiest I've been in a long time, ironic as that sounds.

So I'd like to thank you...because I let you build me high up on words and promises, and when you left I fell, but in the process I learnt how to fly.


July 11, 2017

I'm that girl #AK #akaAmandaKelly

Tell your friends,
I'm setting trends.
Famous for the wrong reasons,
I'm changing my ways,
Chasing the day
Inside my head I'm fighting my demons.
For once I am winning.
This is what dreams are made of,
I hope to inspire,
With these gifts I've so graciously acquired.
The end.

July 9, 2017

Reverie: straight from my soul

Hot sunny summer days,
Of which I miss you the most.
Every time my heart beats,
the way you swept me off my feet.
Everything you meant to me,
I mean, still are to me.
The sun just don't shine the same way
No more.
Memories, and realizing that you'll
never be the man I thought I seen.
Beneath the sheets, and underneath the
Bed, where monsters lay,
Are all the words I ever heard you say.
I can't drown them, they know how to swim.
Forever and always turned out to be
Never & forget.
I'll keep keeping on,
I will not fail.
You did not win.
Goodbye & good luck.

June 27, 2017

Won't you come and wash away the rain

If I'm honest with myself, then I know the reason for this heavyness in my soul comes from the distance between us, the skies and the stars, and the hole in my heart where you belong. It's a mystery how I'm still convinced some how we are meant to be, while I'm left here reminiscing the way you used to look at me. How could a person fake that? But that's something only you would know. Me, I'm forever wondering whether I'm crazy or not, for believing when I should not.