keep on keeping on

Hello there, 

Well, its been a good, long, flail...uh, I mean, while....hehe! Since I've had a moment to really write something meaningful.

I have fallen madly inlove, and I know maybe I wrote about being in love before, and I had no idea how terribly wrong I was. 

I probably will never be able to understand the depths of this love, but oh boy, does it ever feel amazing, perfect & all the above.

Here's the best part, its very difficult to be together, but, we do it, and that's the easy part. Its easy for us to work at being together. Its worth it all in every way.

I just had to say, how lucky I am to be inlove with him....

Always & Never, 
AK

O M G ! A Ghost....oh! wait, that's just me *grin*

Since I am the boss here, I am allowed to take random hiatus's, right? Hm, either which way, I'm white, so I can do whatever I want......

Oh man, the adventures I've been on since March 2012.... they are so crazy, I can't even post such details on the web;

1. because I am not suicidal

2. I do NOT enjoy jail

3. Well, because I'm white

On the bright side, I can tell you whatever the fuck I want about myself, and you just know, that you are guaranteed to be entertained by me at some point or another, so just prepare for my awesome-ness to make an appearance whenever it decides lmfao!

May 17, 2013-July 20, 2013 - [ERC&FSCC]
Ah, my lovely stay at The NEW Edmonton Remand Center & The Fort Saskatchewan Correctional Center!!!!

Man, I unwillingly had to call those places "home" for 65 days, and I'm on 18 months probation. I have a stupid fucking curfew from 10pm-6am, as well as a whole shit load of other ridiculous rules I must obey or else I go right back to daycare... I mean jail.

OH! and Don't EVER fall for the whole "innocent until proven guilty" bullshit we hear about our whole lives..... because its the opposite, its so twisted its almost blacklisted hahaha.

*inside joke*

I was stuck in jail, they would not let me speak to bail, or sentence me, all because of in reality your guilty until proven innocent.

FUCK THE SYSTEM!

Real talk, they have me stuck in there on bogus charges of mischief & uttering threats, with no prior criminal record, and a repeat drug traffic offender gets out on $500 no cash bail.... WHAT THE FUCK, OVER?

yeah, all bad.

and I'm going to stop here, I gotta ease back into this,

AK

Five Dollar Bills

There once was this great man, that showed me how when looking at it the right way, a Canadian $5 bill has more to it then meets the eye.... that man passed away on March 29, 2012.... and I will never forget my amazement the first time he showed me that trick... it was a day like any other, I was grippin' flapp.... it was just me, him & Chuck...and at that moment it seemed so insignificant, but now its so much more, 'cause its memories like those that help him live on! Rest Easy, Tong!

You High, Baby?

There's nothing you could ever do,

nothing you could ever say,

that could ever make me walk away,

there's nothing in this world I wouldn't 

try and do for you. All these things spin

around in my head, and remind me every day,

that despite everything I try to tell myself,

I'm inLove with you. 

Even though I care about the guy I'm with,

nothing compares to the feelings I get at the thought

of you. I know how you are,

I'd never expect to be your only,

but its how you make me feel

when its just you & me.

It the closest thing to pure ecstasy 

Your always on my mind,

even when I don't see you for weeks or longer.

I never thought I'd feel like this about you.

O.o

[il ya deux jours, j'ai triché sur mon petit ami avec KB]

but it happened 'cause, he always says this to
me & well these lyric's by Dizzy explain it perfectly:

"I do nothin' for ya, all I do's annoy ya, do it all on purpose too,
I just love hurtin' you, never even really try, said I care,
but that's a lie. If you can believe all this,
then I don't really need this shit!"

and Nahla had 11 puppies; 5 are left!

Reverie; Nail in the Coffin

Here I am again, in this same redundant circle I always find myself in; This time there's a difference though, 'cause this time I'm a little more broken though & I'm trying so hard to keep my fight up, but this time I feel too weak to pull through it.

Everyday its the exact same story, the exact same purpose, the exact same fights & excuses; The exact same reason I fall further behind & further away from who & what I used to be.

Everyday I grow a little closer to my new life & a little further from my old one,

but hey, I heard change is good, right?

Honestly, I love my new little life I have acquired, I'm generally always happy, I don't have to fight with anyone, or answer to anyone....

but then the times I am alone, I miss the things I loved the most... my dog & my boyfriend.

So, the love I carry for them, brought me back.

&& it breaks me down; because even though I will ALWAYS love my boyfriend, I'm not the same person that I was when I loved him. I'm different; I'm ro6ugher & I learned how to "not care".

Sometimes I look at him, and I can taste the life we had, and I want to do good and try to fix it; but in the next breath, I'm on my way out the door back to my new life, leaving him there waiting..... until I wanna inhale a bit of what I used to know... and I do that everyday.

Why? because I am emotionally incapable of actually dealing with these feelings, this hurt & the only thing I am mentally capable of dealing with, is getting high.

Its just one thing, its simple; that's all I can handle, anything that's too "big" or "too much" will push me over the edge and its just not a very pretty scene.

Well, really, its hard to have a relationship with someone, when you have someone else on your mind & on top of that, flapp attacks.

Anyways, I'll write more later, my Gack Show is about to begin.

Face Punched!

Yo mang.

So like. going to write a better one later. BUT. here's a quickie for now.

I am basically frozen with the question of why cant I be without you. How was I so wrong?

and why is everyone so deadset on blaming their shit on me.

Real great, 'cause you know I'll take the blame, if it makes em feel better....