Reverie: Spun-Out?Spin-Out?

ATTENTION:

Haha, are you looking?

Have you ever seen the movie Spun? well if you have, that has been my life for the past almost 2 weeks. If you haven't, let me explain in a little bit of detail of what Spun entails.

Meth, Gang members, Cops, Wigged-out Bitches, Not Sleeping, Doing the Nod, basically, a lot of
illegal activity.

I cant even tell you the amount of people I had in and out of my house, but one girl flushed a bag
of drugs down my toilet and told my boyfriend it was going to someone in Australia....I know right.

We just got everybody out yesterday, ohhh and some luck did find its way to me, because I got
the job, but I need another one STAT.

but CJ wants me to go get him some ice cream. I just ordered us like $50 worth of Chinese from
Smiley's, which apparently isn't complete until I get the icecream. silly boy.

k write more later.

Reverie: Fucka-mucka-lucka-ding-dong

YOOOOO!

wassup? so I've been on one of my things for fucking a really long fucking time, I don't even know man. All I can say is its full of crying, fighting, laughing, loving, sex and other stuff like that. Uh, I had this new awesome job in December, but fuckers let me go, for NO reason, and now I am just
straight fucked. Like who does that? FML!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All I can say is that since shit went down in like November I can't stop this mutha-fuckin shit

No idea why its so hard, but fuck, I don't even like it... oh yeah I fucking love it *insert finger in eye*

OH!!!!!!!!!! and now we have like well connected people crashing at our place right now, so we really can't stop. Man, what am I going to do.

Time for some contradiction though, no really, are you ready blog?????????

Remember my old blogs, where I devoted my love etc. to that girl, and that even 10 years from then I would never regret it...etc. Well its not even 2 years, and I'm not going to lie... what a fucking waste of my life. I mean I accept it happened for a reason (not sure what yet though, I'll get back to you on that one)....but really????? WHY MUTHA-FUCKIN me????

shoulda-coulda-woulda... *sighs*

the worst part is I'm too paranoid to do my happy drugs anymore, I mean, I really miss K and E... ugh...

but yeah, I have a job interview at Rexall at 5pm, lets hope some sort of luck smacks me upside the head today, I really fucking need it and shit.

Oh and in December this pregnant head Ronda chilled here, it was kinda fucking ridiculous, and its like I have her twin here now or something... but fuck will tell you more on a later date.. or I'll try.

Like a G6

Well the title is just 'cause thats the name of the dub step song I'm listening to. Big news to report, would probably be that CJ and I broke-up, we got evicted and I have no fucking clue what I'm going to do with Nahla or Zim. Oh and I lost my job, both of them.

but what the fuck, right?

Reverie: Don't Speak

These are the things I would never say to you, because you mean more to me then some pretentious lust for money; or some need to always be right, or just to fulfill my want for finding things wrong.

You worked a total of 2 days our whole relationship before 3 weeks ago. I've worked from October - December / March - June and July-October. Yes, I missed more then my fair share of days, but at least I had a job.

I'll give you the fact that you were collecting $750 a month, for sitting in the mental ward for 4 days was helpful, and it served purposeful, but you didn't work for it. But all the months before that, who made sure you had weed? smokes? xtc? cocaine? alcohol? etc. Oh yeah, that would be me. I begged, borrowed, worked, and stole to make sure you were happy. I never complained, called you down for it, rubbed it in your face, I just asked that you helped with the dogs after I worked because I was tired.

Now, in September of this year. I was the only one working, and yes your family paid for us to get on our feet here, but every time I came home from work, there were people over, shit and piss everywhere from the dogs, and nothing was done. Yet, you claim that the house was always clean. I never bitched.

Now, you have a job, and I do too, but I don't make enough as it is, and I don't get enough hours, but I still work. I still am the only one who cleans, cooks, and does dishes. Oh and don't forget I'm the only one who feeds our dogs, waters them, and takes them outside.

I appreciate you work, but both of us should be helping take care of this house.

I still don't bitch.

but you, you have the nerve to call me lazy, as sick as you know I am, and as much as I do for you. I took care of your fucking ass, even when I was supposed to be on bed rest from my surgery, even when I had my wisdom tooth removed and in more pain then you could know, I took care of you, no question.

So this is basically a fuck you, that I would never say to you, because unlike you, I appreciate that you are at least doing something, instead of nothing at all, and I don't want to fight.

Reverie: Plain and Simple, FML

So amongst an argument/almost break-up..which I begged like a fool not to happen, I found out that the 2 1/2 years of my life I spent with her affected me in more ways then I could possibly imagine. For one, I am a social retard. I never used to be this way, and I can't say it was just the drugs. I mean, for 2 1/2 years I never saw anyone. All I had was her, times with her, and I forgot how to have friends. And I forgot how to have proper conversations with non-drug users. I mean with them you can be as vulgar as you want. They're the lowest on the spectrum. With my old friends/new friends, I forget a lot of the time. Anyways, I'll write more on this later. I'm pretty sure I'm just going to go curl into a ball and over analyze myself to sleep.

Reverie: Young Forever

I went to Lady Gaga on August 27, 2010, it was the most amazing concert ever! She inspired me in a lot of ways, and I'd like to thank her for that. My boyfriends parents treated me to the concert,
I am really lucky in that sense. I got a T-Shirt, says "I'm a Free Bitch", and a Monster Ball Tour 2010 Light Wand thing, its pretty dope.

So I want to take us to my next subject, my puppy Nahla, she's growing so fast. Isn't she beautiful?

Anyways this weekend shall be grand, spending it with my boyfriend, whom I love very, very much. Bigger then the world. We move into our apartment in 8 days.

Love, Me.

Reverie: Eat These Inconvenient Truths

One thing that really pisses me off, are people who like to say that "drugs ruined my life".. "meth did this" and "cocaine did that"....Here is one thing that is a hard realization: YOU did it. You bought it. You liked it. You chose it over everything else.

A lot of programs and information that is out there lacks those facts. They like to advertise that drugs are ruining people's lives, but its not the drugs at all, its the people.

In rehab they say part of getting sober is acknowledging you have a problem. The next step should be taking responsibility for that problem instead of blaming the drugs.

If a person who made a conscious decision to smoke even though the label shows all the warning and disgusting chemicals, got cancer and died, as the package said they would... would they blame the smoke companies or the person who made the choice to smoke knowing the very probable consequences?

See our society has fallen prey to the victim role. Its a shame.

I used to do drugs. I was not peer-pressured, tricked or else wise. I knew exactly what I was taking, and what the consequences could/would be. I knew each time I popped a tab of X I could die. and you know what?? I popped 30. because I could. Its not like they were sitting there begging me to eat them....

Guess what? I also quit drugs, cold turkey, without any help. Its all in your head, you just have to find it within yourself.

Anyways... Keep it Rock'n