Like a G6

Well the title is just 'cause thats the name of the dub step song I'm listening to. Big news to report, would probably be that CJ and I broke-up, we got evicted and I have no fucking clue what I'm going to do with Nahla or Zim. Oh and I lost my job, both of them.

but what the fuck, right?

Reverie: Don't Speak

These are the things I would never say to you, because you mean more to me then some pretentious lust for money; or some need to always be right, or just to fulfill my want for finding things wrong.

You worked a total of 2 days our whole relationship before 3 weeks ago. I've worked from October - December / March - June and July-October. Yes, I missed more then my fair share of days, but at least I had a job.

I'll give you the fact that you were collecting $750 a month, for sitting in the mental ward for 4 days was helpful, and it served purposeful, but you didn't work for it. But all the months before that, who made sure you had weed? smokes? xtc? cocaine? alcohol? etc. Oh yeah, that would be me. I begged, borrowed, worked, and stole to make sure you were happy. I never complained, called you down for it, rubbed it in your face, I just asked that you helped with the dogs after I worked because I was tired.

Now, in September of this year. I was the only one working, and yes your family paid for us to get on our feet here, but every time I came home from work, there were people over, shit and piss everywhere from the dogs, and nothing was done. Yet, you claim that the house was always clean. I never bitched.

Now, you have a job, and I do too, but I don't make enough as it is, and I don't get enough hours, but I still work. I still am the only one who cleans, cooks, and does dishes. Oh and don't forget I'm the only one who feeds our dogs, waters them, and takes them outside.

I appreciate you work, but both of us should be helping take care of this house.

I still don't bitch.

but you, you have the nerve to call me lazy, as sick as you know I am, and as much as I do for you. I took care of your fucking ass, even when I was supposed to be on bed rest from my surgery, even when I had my wisdom tooth removed and in more pain then you could know, I took care of you, no question.

So this is basically a fuck you, that I would never say to you, because unlike you, I appreciate that you are at least doing something, instead of nothing at all, and I don't want to fight.

Reverie: Plain and Simple, FML

So amongst an argument/almost break-up..which I begged like a fool not to happen, I found out that the 2 1/2 years of my life I spent with her affected me in more ways then I could possibly imagine. For one, I am a social retard. I never used to be this way, and I can't say it was just the drugs. I mean, for 2 1/2 years I never saw anyone. All I had was her, times with her, and I forgot how to have friends. And I forgot how to have proper conversations with non-drug users. I mean with them you can be as vulgar as you want. They're the lowest on the spectrum. With my old friends/new friends, I forget a lot of the time. Anyways, I'll write more on this later. I'm pretty sure I'm just going to go curl into a ball and over analyze myself to sleep.

Reverie: Young Forever

I went to Lady Gaga on August 27, 2010, it was the most amazing concert ever! She inspired me in a lot of ways, and I'd like to thank her for that. My boyfriends parents treated me to the concert,
I am really lucky in that sense. I got a T-Shirt, says "I'm a Free Bitch", and a Monster Ball Tour 2010 Light Wand thing, its pretty dope.

So I want to take us to my next subject, my puppy Nahla, she's growing so fast. Isn't she beautiful?

Anyways this weekend shall be grand, spending it with my boyfriend, whom I love very, very much. Bigger then the world. We move into our apartment in 8 days.

Love, Me.

Reverie: Eat These Inconvenient Truths

One thing that really pisses me off, are people who like to say that "drugs ruined my life".. "meth did this" and "cocaine did that"....Here is one thing that is a hard realization: YOU did it. You bought it. You liked it. You chose it over everything else.

A lot of programs and information that is out there lacks those facts. They like to advertise that drugs are ruining people's lives, but its not the drugs at all, its the people.

In rehab they say part of getting sober is acknowledging you have a problem. The next step should be taking responsibility for that problem instead of blaming the drugs.

If a person who made a conscious decision to smoke even though the label shows all the warning and disgusting chemicals, got cancer and died, as the package said they would... would they blame the smoke companies or the person who made the choice to smoke knowing the very probable consequences?

See our society has fallen prey to the victim role. Its a shame.

I used to do drugs. I was not peer-pressured, tricked or else wise. I knew exactly what I was taking, and what the consequences could/would be. I knew each time I popped a tab of X I could die. and you know what?? I popped 30. because I could. Its not like they were sitting there begging me to eat them....

Guess what? I also quit drugs, cold turkey, without any help. Its all in your head, you just have to find it within yourself.

Anyways... Keep it Rock'n

Reverie: Healpiness

Healpiness. My new word. Oh, it describes me by the way, well more so what I want to have.
Happiness and Health, hm clever? I think so.

Anyways, so I've started working out and stuff, today is day 2. So I've hardly got my feet wet, but I'm dedicated man. Of course there are a million reasons why I don't want to look and feel the way that I do, but the main reason, is because of myself. I'm happy with me. I'm not an ugly girl, but HELLOOOO...who wants to be the chubby girl with a cute face? and I know I have PCOS... so I need to drop some poundage asap. Except this time, I'm doing it naturally, with healthier food choices and exercise.

Last time, I used drugs, and well, as soon as I quit that, all my lost weight came back and hit me like a pile of bricks.

Nope this time, I'm alllllllll good. Then I'll be happy, I'll feel healthy, and my boyfriend will appreciate it too.

Well, on another note, I went and saw Step Up 3D today. It was pretty great, went with my neighbor, Moira.

PS. I like cheese. Ciao <3

HIMNO ELECTRONICO DJ TIESTO

Uhm, PARTY & PARTY & Move on? hah!

Dear Blog, I have let you down... remember when I used to always title my posts as "Reverie etc" now I am too lazy, and not as cool I guess.

K so seriously, here's whats new with me. I'm still with my boy, of course. Its almost been 10months. Its ridiculous how different things were at this time last year, and thats all I'm going to say on the subject.

So, uhh, I did some drugs, had some good times, and moved on this summer. Its about time, I mean, I'm not going to stay young forever, and I don't want to spent all my time doing drugs and just chillin', ya know?

Call me crazy, but I actually want to get my shit together and have a real career. Oh, by the way I'm working at cineplex now. Its all good, its money. It'll pay my bills.

Speaking of bills, CJ and I got an apartment, its in our friends building, its going to take a lot of hard work, but I just have this feeling its gonna work out, and I'm pretty excited.

We also got a puppy, she's this insane mix of pure beauty... are you ready? She's a boxer, german sheperd, pitbull, rotti, mastiff (from the moms side) and a pure bread Siberian husky (dads side) and man is she amazing. I love her so much. She is 11 weeks old, and CJ and I named her Nahla (Naw-La) Aurora Patterson. *smiles*

Ok and I have some amazing news, my boyfriend is finally doing what he needs to do and I am on cloud 9. Of course I miss him terribly, and its only been two days, but I'm so happy that we're finally on our way to our happily ever after... well so to say :P

and my baby brother Hunter is getting so big, I miss him so much =(

Lady Gaga concert is in T-3 Days. Sooooooooo excited!! THANKS MOM N.

Annnnnnnnnyways, I just got back from my neighbors, they're pretty dope. They ordered pizza for us and Nahla played with her bff (the neighbors dog) Reya.

but its pretty late and I gotta get to bed...

I'll be writing more... I'm back this time.. I think.

Love, ME <3

Rainy Day

So its been a while, well.. a long while since I last posted, not too much has changed. I'm still with CJ, I love him just as much as ever. I'm 19 now, for my birthday I got an ipod touch, a tattoo, and some nice clothes among other things... my tattoo is in memory of Colton, its beautiful. So far this month I've slipped up twice, I am high actually now as I right this... imagine that haha. I've seen the exGF a few times as well, she hasn't changed much, except for how she's a junky. nut yaaa

Premonition

I can't possibly use the right words to explain how much I love you, but I do. Those three words are most definitely said too much, but I couldn't mean it more when I say them to you. I wish this will never end.

Reverie: The Real Story.

So, pretty much, last year sucked, my baby brother died, I lost my apartment, then my girlfriend of two years, I almost OD'd on XTC, and then I found out I had to have major surgery. It couldn't have been worse. but through all that, I learned to make myself be happy anyways, to pretend that things aren't bothering me, when in all reality, they are. and I met a boy, and I didn't plan on it, but I fell in love with him. This year was supposed to be different, and it has been. He has made me happier then I've been in a long time. The thing is, he hates himself, and it hurts that he hates himself. but I pretend to be happy, happy when he leaves to get high, the only part I'm happy about is when he comes back, because then I get to hold him. 5 days ago he left, and he hasn't been back. He hasn't even called, I have had to call him. I've been walking around in what I call zombie mode, all because I don't know what this means. I know he loves me, I really believe he does. Its his feelings towards himself that worry me. I just don't know how to help him.

So yeahhh....

I totally love morning sex. Word.

:blush: :$

oh, and today something i never thought would happen..happened. my mom walked in on us in the middle of doing it... .. agh.. embarrassing? I know right...


PS: I just switched to this email, bonenaked@gmail.com because I am no longer sldspanda...

Whoops, I forgot!

Well, first post of 2010. Its been a while my friend, months in fact. Don't worry though, your getting updated. Clearly. So, In October I almost od'd on XTC. Which is lame. and in November I quit pint. The beginning of December, I moved into Serena's, I met this incredible boy, I found out I had this giant ass cyst on my right ovary, which meant I needed surgery, and I found out I was expecting. Me and him are doing good, I slipped up once in January and bought pint. I had my surgery on the 27th of January, they removed my right ovary, and me and his thing. Which we called Trunks. haah. I have since started school, and am doing very well in my life. Although, I could stand for a little less drama, but, its life, its to be expected.